I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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