I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
