what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
