i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
