If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
