i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
