ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I smell stomach acid.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
vagina is talking i cant
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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