I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I have aggressive nipples.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
