There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
