she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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