the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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