It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
