Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
