It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
