Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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