508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
