Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
