was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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