Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
love makes seman taste better
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
