She said her name was "party"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
