I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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