I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
