just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
