he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
