we have pet lesbian snakes
Don't make out with my wife yet
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
