hotel room ftw
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
