hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You've changed since you got that strap on
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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