Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
