just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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