Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
