grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
