That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
