Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
