what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
