i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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