First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
