im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
