There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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