First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my being single is dangerous.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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