We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
