is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
