he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
