and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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