Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
