FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
