If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize