worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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