Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
