Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
this will be a night to untag.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
