ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
