Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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