watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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