he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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