fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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