once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize