all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
