My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
