FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
