do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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