i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize