he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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