yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
