Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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