I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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