Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
