I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
