I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
