My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize