I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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