so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
