physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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