I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
