Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
