My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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