Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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