I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
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