Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
