We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
