NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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