Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
