You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
