i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
