I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
