All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
In other news, I just burned my penis
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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