I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i dont even know how to be here
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
