that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
