I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
