I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
