i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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