my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
