just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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