Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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