She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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