Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
