we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
