I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I skipped work to stalk him.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
