i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize