he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize