This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
