Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
